Review: The Bachelor Season 21, Episode 1

The Bachelor Season 21

Episode 1

SPOILERS!!!!!


Okay ladies(and some gents), it’s my favorite time of year again: The Bachelor is back in action! After what always seems like years of a hiatus, our favorite show with our favorite host has returned. Hello, Chris Harrison, and welcome back(for the third, fourth if we count paradise) time Nick Viall! To start us off, we of course get to see the hot montage of Nick himself. I’ve never been the biggest Nick fan before Paradise. I thought he was rude, eccentric, and kind of a bore. Desperate if you will. But, I kind of gained a new respect for him after seeing that he isn’t really as desperate and eccentric as I thought. And I’m praying to sweet baby Jesus that he FINALLY finds love so we can move on to someone else.

There were some memorable girls this year: one showed up in a shark(dolphin?) suit, one rode in on a camel, one of the girls had him “Lady and the Tramp” a hot dog, there were about seventeen in a red dress, and one (scorned) ex-lover/one-night-stand. Let’s get on to the ladies individually, what do you say?

Danielle#1 (Danielle L.) was the first to step out of the limo on her way to meet her soon to be polygamous boyfriend. Let’s start by saying holy cow her dress was magnificent. She identifies her career title as small business owner. Turns out she opened her own nail salon and now she has three other businesses. She’s a pretty girl, I’ll give her that. But still, that dress–holy cow.

Elizabeth the marketing manager from Texas was next. She’s got a lot of an accent going on. I honestly don’t remember much more about her, except her being overly excited about Nick being the bachelor. She also had a pretty dress.

Next up, was the attorney, Rachel. She made a fantasy team moments before arriving to the show, however, she’s really only here to win the game: Nick’s heart. Kind of touching, kind of weird. Don’t tell the other girls who you voted off early, girl. We don’t need any catfights yet.

A yellow dress and a mask covering a face exited next. Is this you Ben, Chris, or Sean playing a trick on Nick? No, just kidding. It was Christen, a wedding videographer. She does a shimmy down to Nick, asks how crazy he thinks she is, and freaks out over how excited she is to meet a celebrity. She also wishes Nick luck in meeting the rest of the girls(aww how sweet).

Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. It is never a good idea to tell the man you’re trying to date that literally all of your friends hate him. Never. Especially when you’re competing with twenty-nine other girls for a chance to marry him. Especially ones with dresses like Danielle #1. Who really wants to date someone when all their friends hate them? Any get together would be super awkward.

The next girl that shows herself to Nick has beautiful teeth. And her dress was very pretty, and not one of the reds. She didn’t say much, and sometimes, less is more. She wants to form her own opinions of him. I liked her from the get-go.

Attention everyone: we have yet another model on the show that I’ve never seen or heard of before. Her name is Angela. She wants him to scoop her up.

Sparkles! Lauren is up next in a dress that dazzles. But then she opens her mouth. About their last names, Vial and Hussy. She then refers to the duo as a disgusting slut. Why do some people open their mouth? Luckily her dress is pretty.

Michelle wants to make lemonade with Nick.

Dominique makes sure to tell him that the fourth time’s a charm. We all hope so anyway. They’re both really excited it’s his fourth time.

Nick can’t keep his eyes off Ida Marie. And she can’t keep her eyes off of him either. Her dress is spectacular and not red so she stands out. She proceeds to do a trust fall with him, he’s nervous he’s going to drop her and make a bad first impression for the fourth time.

We get eskimo kisses and a nice fur coat, which I thought was a little overkill, from Olivia who comes from Alaska. We get it girl, it’s cold there. And Nick asks if he did a good eskimo kiss. Trust me, it’s hard to be bad at it. She whips her coat off to show a nice black dress with sparkles. She’s also excited it will be his last time, hopefully, on the show.

The next girl comes running, literally, from around the corner, in a dress and running shoes. She thought he would appreciate another runner up in his life. Okay the jokes can stop now. Sarah doesn’t think Nick is a runner up, but her dress screams she might be one.

Jasmine#1 (Jasmine G.) also makes it very known that she knows he’s been on the show before. She also shows up with Mr. Lane, aka Mr. Ring guy, that Nick has met before on his many endeavors on the show. She shows him three rings and tells him that she is a size 5. Too soon.

The next girl makes it known she is wearing no panties after she goes in for a hug. This makes Nick very happy, and he hugs her again. Points for Hailey. She knows he’s a sexual man and wants to “discuss” it with him.

Astrid, I actually asked multiple times during the viewing if her name was Astrid, speaks some German and all Nick hears is sex. She also, in German, asks if he’s seen her breasts and that they’re real. Come on girls, keep your panties on! Except you Hailey, we know you aren’t wearing any.

A one-night-stand is next. Liz was Jade’s maid of honor and after the wedding festivities they hooked up. She wants to know if he remembers her. He looks like he remembers the face, but doesn’t know how he knows her. It’s really awkward and I felt uncomfortable the whole time. This feels like a bad Kaitlyn flashback waiting to happen.

Okay, so if you watched the snippet it showed of the girls at the beginning of the episode you know this next one is trouble with a capital T. She seems spoiled, she’s 24 and has a nanny for God’s sake. She also is CEO of a ‘multimillion dollar company’….. That her dad owns…. But Corinne charms Nick. She gives him a hug token to cash in later.

Vanessa is next and her dress made me dizzy, but Nick likes it. She also speaks French. Nick doesn’t understand. He thinks she’s a keeper.

Danielle #2 (Danielle M.) seemed like a sweet girl. She gives Nick maple syrup and they discuss French toast, then she offers him a lick of maple syrup off of her finger.

Another dress with sparkles came next on Raven. She teaches him a hawk call with spirit fingers. He likes her voice.

Jaimi comes next, one of the only ones in a short dress. She’s watched his journey. She says he has balls, and says she does too. He looks confused and hopes she’s kidding. She has a nose ring.

A surgical nurse name Briana listens to his heart, and wants him to take his shirt off.

Susannah gives him a beard massage? What?

Josephine also points out his unsuccessful relationships and how he hasn’t always been a winner, then opens a book with a hot dog and says “you’re a wiener in my book”. Well played Josie. Then she asks him to “Lady and the Tramp” the hot dog and lost all points she had. Nick thinks raw hot dogs are gross.

Brittany knows he is dating lots of other women. She puts a glove on, tells him to bend over, and i closed my eyes. I don’t know what happened after that.

Another red dress, Jasmine #2(Jasmine B.)

Another red dress comes with Whitney.

Is this Camel part of a joke on Nick? No, there’s a girl on it. And she likes a good hump, and is glad Nick does too. Nick helps her down, and she tells us again she likes a good hump. Everyone is jealous of Lacey now.

Shark girl is next. But she thinks she’s dolphin girl. I couldn’t even see her face, so I have no idea what Alexis looks like. Nick wants to watch her walk away.

And finally we met all of the girls. Everyone take a breath and refill your chips/wine/snacks, whatever you’re having and think about everyone we just met.

Shark girl is mad that everyone is calling her shark girl and not dolphin girl. Cue different shots of everyone girl talking about how manly and hot Nick is. He’s a manly man, he’s breathtaking, I wanna read your book cover, random cat noises. Now cue to all the sweet moments about how sweet and perfect Nick is. Cue to one-night-stand talking about how perfect Nick was at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Nick comes in and gives a heartwarming speech, gets tongue tied, and everyone thinks he is adorable and husband material now. Let the fighting over one-on-one time with Nick begin.

Rachel gets the first one-on-one time with Nick. And she knocked it out of the park with him. Next he sees yellow dress, Christen, who teaches him how to ballroom dance. Danielle #1, is killing it still. Nick loves her dress as well. She tells him her sister picked it out, and he wants her sister to know he loves it.

EVERYONE STOP. Chris Harrison brings the first impression rose in and you can see the claws coming out. The only time you could hear a pen drop in a room full of thirty girls.Corinne decides she’s going to just take it. She takes Nick to the side and gives him a bag of coins. He can use them for whatever she wants. She wants to kiss him, so bad. But she gives him a hug, and leaves. Next up is Vanessa, Nick loves her dress, even though I think it’s awful. She wants to kiss him, they look awkwardly into each others’ eyes, and then they are interrupted by Corinne. She wants Nick right now, right now. She makes the first move and goes in for what she thinks is the first kiss Nick has had with one of the girls. Drama ensues between the girls. Everyone is jealous they didn’t get the first kiss. Corinne thinks she has won, one-night-stand knows differently and she silently gloats.

Fast forward through the drama between the girls, Nick telling shark girl she can’t take off her shark/dolphin costume or he is definitely sending her home, and an awkward conversation with one-night-stand. Time for the first impression rose. Drum roll please….. RACHEL gets it. Thank God it wasn’t Corinne. I think Rachel and Nick have great potential, so this warmed my heart. And Corinne is mad. Time to hand out roses.

Rachel, first impression rose.
Vanessa.
Danielle #1 (Danielle L.
Christen.
Astrid.
Corinne. Ugh.
Elizabeth W.
Jasmine #1 (Jasmine G.)
Raven
Kristina
Danielle #2 (Danielle M)
Sarah
Josephine
Lacey
Taylor
Shark girl (Alexis)
Hailey
Whitney
Dominique
Jaimi
Brittany
FINAL ROSE
One-night-stand AKA Liz

And that’s a wrap for episode one!

Best quote of the night: Astrid: “The last time I dated someone I didn’t know he was dating other people, so at least this time I know.”

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